Yeah, me too. I recently had a day like that and at the end of it, all I could do is cry. I knew deep in my hard that my problems that day had been caused by my prideful heart. I didn't want to repent. I didn't want to ask for forgiveness. I wanted so badly to be right, for the people I had wronged to come to me and accept responsibility for my actions towards them.
You know what? It didn't happen. You know why? Because I was the one that was wrong. Did they have their own sin? Possibly. But it wasn't for me to deal with or confront. I had to look into my mirror and suck it up and own up to my negative attitude, my unkind words, and my hasty reactions.
I had planned to meditate on John 3.17 this week. The church we have been attending has used this as their adult memory verse for the month so I've been thinking about it. When I sat down to type this up though, I didn't think I would end up still using it.
Now though, I do think it is relevant to what I expressed above. Let's read it together:
For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. John 3.17 (NIV)Usually, when I mess up, my self-esteem takes a big hit. I can't sleep. I replay the situation in my head a million times. I write pretend blog posts to let off steam. I get passive-aggressive. I act snippy. It isn't pretty folks. You wouldn't want to be around when Hurricane Jenn hits.
But you know what, Jesus didn't save me so that I could throw pity parties. He didn't come down to this earth to play the violin for me. And according to this verse, he didn't come here to condemn me either.
Personally, when I screw up, I condemn myself all over the place. A sin towards my husband balloons and becomes sin towards other family members. And these are all really sins towards God.
That isn't what Jesus wants from me. He wants to save me from my sin, not make me replay it over and over in my head. He wants to rescue me from my mistakes, not watch me wallow in misery because I suck.
Now, is it right to feel remorse over sin? Certainly. That is my conscious speaking, the Holy Spirit revealing my human nature to me. But what should I do with that remorse? This is what the Bible says:
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The intense prayer of the righteous is very powerful. James 5.16 (HCSB)
Therefore repent and turn back, that your sins may be wiped out so that seasons of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord... Acts 3.19 (HCSB)So now, I am going to confess my sins, pray for the people I have wronged, and purpose to turn my back on my negative behavior. I need a season of refreshing.
What about you? What is heavy on your heart this week? I invite you to either write you own post and link to it in the comments, or just leave your thoughts in the comments.
Also, I'll be beginning a study of Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free in a couple of weeks and would love to have some of my blogging buddies join me. I will probably use this study as a focus for my Monday Meditations and it would be fun to have some online friends contribute as well. If you are interested, leave me a note in the comments and get yourself a copy of the book and workbook. We start Friday, September 5th!