Wednesday, January 25, 2012

5 Driving Tips You Don't Want to Follow

A while back, Esurance posted 5 "mom-inspired driving tips," and while they are good, I thought they needed a little re-touching to make them more real world. So, here are my 5 driving tips sure to  get you a ticket  cause an accident  result in injuries entertain you.

1 - Only wear your seat belt if it is comfortable and convenient for you. After all, it might choke you in a car accident. And if it doesn't, it could still leave you with a diagonal bruise across your chest. That's way better than having your head crash into the front windshield.

2 - Hurry up. Nobody likes being behind the slow poke. So, instead of responsibly driving the speed limit, hang out in the left lane and zoom past everyone. Then, no one can complain about your driving. While you are at it, add a few zigs and zags to your driving pattern. That will make sure everyone notices you as you blow past them. Maybe they'll feel bad and stop to offer you some cool water when they see you pulled over later.

3 - Ignore the weather. All those sissies driving with their blinkers on in the downpour need to mom up. Real moms can get their kids to soccer practice on time despite wet roads. And they can also make sure those fancy dance clothes don't get lost in the fog.

4 - Tailgating isn't just for football games. That's right! You can tailgate on the road too. The driver in front of you was hoping you would come a little closer so they can see that new scarf your sister gave you. Fortunately for them, you're also blaring the newest Lady Gaga cd so they can hear you as well as see you!

5 - Learn defensive driving. Using colorful language in a defensive way is an excellent way to let the other driver know you are unhappy with them. And you can defend your car's honor by suggesting drag races at the next light. Or, try some defensive hand signals. Those always work at letting other people know who's top dog on the road.

Actually, don't follow any of this advice. Really. It's bad advice. Instead, read the real 5 Mom-Inspired Driving Tips over at Esurance to make sure you are being as safe as possible, especially when you have precious cargo in the back seat!

FTC Disclosure: “I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Esurance blogging program for 8,000 My SocialMoms Rewards Points. For more information on how you can participate, click here.”

1 comment:

  1. "All those sissies driving with their blinkers on in the downpour need to mom up." Actually, in Florida, it's illegal to drive with your hazard lights on while the car is in motion (rain or shine).

    Bruce

    ReplyDelete

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