Thursday, November 05, 2009

Do you feel lonely?

It seems I've really been confronted lately how lonely it can feel to be a SAHM and with how hard it is to develop deep, meaningful friendships as an adult. There aren't many places to meet other people if you are a SAHM. After all, work outside of the home is the primary time consumer of most adults. So while the rest of the world has a built in place to make friends, SAHMs spend most of their time with the knee-high to a grass-hopper set.

And while our children can be joyful and entertaining, they aren't yet able to discuss the most recent elections, the pastor's Sunday sermon, or what is happening in the neighborhood in the same way as a fellow adult can.

Personally, since I've moved to Lakeland, I've started to make close friendships with two other SAHMs. Unfortunately, they both moved out of state within 6 months of us really beginning to connect. And, while I keep up with both of them through Facebook and our respective blogs, it just isn't the same as sitting next to one of them on the park bench while our kids go down the slide together.

Though some days I feel like my life borders lonely-town, I'm not totally lonely.  I have MOPs, my blog (and all you wonderful commenters), the ladies in my adult Bible Study at church, and a playgroup that I am involved in. Each of these groups/things/people help to keep me connected to something other than Sprout or Nick Jr.

But yet, something is missing.

I need a best mom friend. Someone who maybe has parented a toddler or is in the midst of it and understands how it feels to count the seconds until the husband walks in the front door after a particularly trying day. Someone who believes that home should be a warm, inviting place even if there are granola bar crumbs on the floor and the furniture hasn't seen a feather duster in six months.

Fellow moms, I know I am not alone with my questions. Remember how I said this issue has been coming up a lot lately? Well, I received the following statistics in a recent email from Mom Central Consulting.

  • A surprising majority of Moms (60%) feel lonely and unsupported in their day-to-day lives and turn online to form new friendships based on shared interests, life events and parenting support.
  • 4 out of 5 Moms feel they lack enough friends in their lives.
  • 40% report not having a best friend.
  • 60% of Moms have made new online friends by connecting around shared passions, life stories, and parenting issues.
  • Over 30% have turned the connection into a lasting offline friendship.
  • 1 in 3 Moms report feeling able to share things with online friends that they do not share with offline friends.  (To view the complete results of this study, click here.)
I can personally relate to all of these statistics, especially the last one. It just seems easier some times to write my thoughts down here on in a Facebook status update and send them out into cyber space. I don't expect anyone to respond so there is no risk of personal rejection. Whereas, if I sat down, face to face with someone, and shared these same lonely feelings,  I might get rebuffed or create discomfort in the person I am talking too.

So here's my question -
How do you find a best friend? How far out there do I need to put myself before someone will be willing to reciprocate with their own feelings and dreams and troubles?


  1. If only you guys would move to TX! Seriously, it is hard to make close friends. I have a few I'm really close to, but one lives an hour away. The other two have their moms / sisters in town, so they are often busy there. Sigh... We get together as often as possible, but I would LOVE to have a friend to pack frequent flyer mom miles with.

  2. Jen,
    I totally know how you feel. Most of my Mom friends have gone back to work and I feel lonely a lot and want someone just to talk to that is older than preschool age.
    Call me anytime.

  3. I also count the seconds until Craig walks through the door. I'm with you. I feel lonely most days as well.

  4. Hi there,

    I don't know you but came across your blog, it makes me feel better that i'm not the only one that feels that way. I just moved to a new city so my only friends here are my husband and 3 year old son. I just started a FT job so that helps a bit, but i still feel lonely b/c i know i don't have friends here. It's just hard to go out there and meet people without feeling awkward about it. I guess it just takes time like anything else in life, but you are right it is hard at times.


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