Family Musings

I never thought I'd need to talk to my 6 year old about suicide. But on the bus ride home this afternoon, some of the older students told her about a classmate of theirs who is believe to have committed suicide this morning. So, because I'm not afraid to tell my children the truth about life, we talked about what she heard. I didn't try to distract her from the story, leaving her with unanswered question. Instead, I used the opportunity to talk to her about broken hearts. A while ago, after the Sandy Hook school shooting, she wanted to know why someone would want to hurt other people and then kill themselves. At that time, I told her about broken hearts and that when you combine a broken heart with a "broken brain" (my overly simplified phrase for mental illness), it leads some people to do bad things, things that hurt others. Today, I used those same words to describe what happened to Rebecca (I'm not saying she was mentally ill, but if she did commit ...

The adjustment to taking a child to school every day has gone fairly well. We've developed a few morning and evening routines that certainly make getting out the door much easier. I've tested them by waking up late or neglecting the routines in the evening... without them, things start to unravel quickly. And rushing to get out the door is no fun for any of us! One thing that I thought about this morning, and surprised myself with, is that I'm kind of back to being lonely as a SAHM. Sure, I may have complained about Charlotte's constant chatter, but now that she had gotten old enough to have actual conversations, I did enjoy her company more. Mary plays wonderfully by herself. Which is great in so many ways. I can be more productive if I choose to be since she can occupy herself making up great stories with her Littlest Pet Shops or coloring several pages. In fact, I think she prefers playing alone to playing with me. I looked back over my schedule for the last mo...

They say mission trips can change lives. Apparently, that is true even if you are 4 years old! We've seen Charlotte take risks she never would have taken in the states. Some of it is just fun to watch and are things we already knew she could do, but other things are really surprising to us. She freely walked all over a farm we visited today. Even going so far as to venture off the beaten path to find her "walking stick." There was a big hill to tackle and she did it cheerfully too. While she normally freaks out at the sight of most unleashed dogs, it didn't take long for her to get up close to this one. Her love of the bixi ride has far outweighed any fear of strangers she might have had. Fortunately, this is one of our trusted drivers and Bruce was following close behind while she and Antonio (about 3 years old) rode on his daddy's bixi. Maybe it's just me... but I had to include this picture because she looks so darn grown up in it! I...

Being a parent comes with a lot of challenges... from labor to potty training to the first and last days of school. And some where in between, we are expected to teach our children about how, well, children are made. I know a lot of parents stress over having "the talk." It seems like a daunting task to teach them about the birds and the bees. I don't really dread discussing it though. Maybe it's because I want to be the one to do it, instead of leaving it to school nurses or peer groups. I want to make sure I'm tuned into my children enough to sense and answer these questions to their satisfaction before they go looking elsewhere for their answers. Plus, I never want to give her more information than she is actually looking for. Being pregnant, my oldest daughter, Charlotte, has started asking some of these birds and bees questions. The first one was how are babies born. That was an easy one for me to answer, and I even found an animated version of birth to...

Ten days ago I thought I was stepping out on a limb when I shared my thoughts about mothering and God's sovereignty . After some Christians gave me odd looks when I explained it to them, I really posted it not knowing if I was right. I mean, I thought I was right, but when someone I respected was among the head tilters, I did have my doubts. Shortly after writing and posting my thoughts, my doubts were quickly assuaged by your comments, both here, on Facebook, and in private communication. I truly have some of the most encouraging friends a woman could ask for. Then today, upon waking from a lovely, summer nap, my friend Angela asked if I had seen the most recent Desiring God blog post . I hadn't so I clicked right over... And wouldn't you know it? John Knight had written about the very same topic, affirming what I had written less than 2 weeks ago. Sure, he did it better, but it was so incredibly affirming to read the words of such a great Christian leader echoing my...

Sometimes, I don't realize how odd I am until I share the inner workings of my brain with other people. They kind of cock their head to the side and look at me, confused or bewildered at what I've just said. Or maybe they are trying to think of a polite way to point out that I am crazy. As this pregnancy has progressed (I'm now almost 18 weeks along), I've left a few people with tilted heads as I explain my thoughts about motherhood and God's sovereignty. You see, for lots of reasons, I've thought a lot about how I would react if something went wrong. And while I can't be sure until I am in that situation, I know that God is sovereign. Here is how that is playing out in my mind during my third pregnancy (and where the tilted head might come in)... Because our family already has 2 daughters, many people have assumed that we are hoping for a boy. This question is mildly irritating when I think about what it implies about Mary (not having been a boy, she ...

I have no idea what I am going to do with my 4 year old. I really think that she might be smarter than me. And more compassionate too. Tonight she totally brought me to tears with this conversation that my husband shared on his Facebook page. Charlotte was bothering  Jennifer , asking for so many things so quickly. So, Jennifer said, "Just a minute Charlotte. I'm not Superwoman." Charlotte responded, "Yes you are, Mommy. You extend your hand to the poor."  Charlotte actually quoted Proverbs 31 about her mother. We have such an awesome daughter. "She extends her hand to the poor,  And she stretches out her hands to the needy." ( Pro 31:20 , NASB) Lord have mercy on me... I hope I can always live up to her image of me. And that, when I inevitably fail, she extends her compassion towards me. All I meant was that I couldn't do 5 different things at once, which is clearly how I would define a Superwoman. But that didn't matter to her. She de...

Bruce here, hijacking Jennifer's blog again. Today is Mother's Day. And I thought I share a little bit about my appreciation for Jennifer. Jennifer and I met in 10th grade history class. And, within one week of meeting Jennifer, I told her that we were going to get married, one day. This is an undisputed fact. But, Jennifer still has trouble believing I really meant it. Of course, she also shook her head "no" when I asked her to marry me 5 years later; she couldn't believe I was serious that time, either. But, I was. So, why would a 15-year old punk be picking out his future wife? It sure does sound pretty absurd. But, even back then, I knew what kind of woman I wanted to be the wife and mother of my future family. Yes, I was a strange kid. Years later, when I actually asked her to marry me, I had already planned out our financial future so that I knew we'd be able to make it. I was only 19, at that time, but I knew people, including Jennifer, would wo...

Sometimes I impress myself with my brilliance. I have no idea if other moms have discovered this trick to help toddlers use stickers, but I made it up one day out of frustration with helping Mary,  2 1/2 years old, get new stickers to put on her paper. Maybe you've known about this for years, in which case I say to you, why didn't you tell me?! In order to make sure none of my friends can say I didn't share this amazing trick, here it is: Pull the non-sticker sticky paper off the page before you let your toddler work with the stickers. It means all they have to figure out is how to get the sticker off, without messing around with the background of the stickers. This is really great for developing fine motor skills too. And yes, those are princess stickers. Don't judge me. They were on clearance and at the rate Mary uses stickers (a little over 100 on the day I took this picture!) I'm not too picky. They have bug and airplane and dinosaur stickers too thou...

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about how Charlotte fits in with her peers. In part this is because I hadn't been certain that we would home school her and she might end up at the local elementary school. Right now, when I observe Charlotte with her peer group, I think she's a bit socially awkward. She isn't as concerned with personal space as others and is overly enthusiastic for even the small things. It kind of makes me cringe a little when I see them react to her excitement over something they don't consider a big deal. After exploring the issue of her social behavior a little more, I've decided it is important to me because I want Charlotte to have a better social experience growing up than I did. If my memory is correct, I was "popular" until 4th grade. I had lots of friends, don't remember being the object of teasing or bullying, and faintly recall creating an exclusive club for my friends and I to join. However, once 4th grade star...

Do you ever read someone else's blog post and really, really wish you had written it? Not in a jealous, "I want to be better than you way," but in a "I've been there and I know that feeling" sort of way. Recently, I've had so many things going on that blogging has fallen to just the bare minimum, just the posts that I've made outside commitments to write. As that trend continues, I want to send you over to Five in Tow to read her post " Counting the Hours ." This particular quote described me perfectly after I had Mary: With all the hours counted, I knew just how tired I could be, or irritated, or unproductive. I knew how much to require of other people and how much to coddle myself. I knew what I could or could not do. Ok, I confess, I started doing this after Charlotte was born! I began to idolize sleep. I told anyone who would listen that all of my problems would be solved if I could just get a full night's sleep. It wasn...

I've been in a nutritional glut recently. In addition to experiencing a loss of appetite due to new medication, I've been too preoccupied with life to take the time each day to eat any decent food. A recent experience with vitamin supplements really woke me up to the fact that I need to do a better job of caring for myself. So, during a brainstorming session with Karissa , I decided to make a list of 31 quick snacks for moms. Most of these items can be eaten on the go, though some don't travel as well as others. To make it on this list the snack has to be made in 5 minutes or less and be reasonably healthy, in other words no homemade chocolate chip cookies, ice cream, or drive-thru french fries. I also tried to mostly include things that had some protein and good carbs in them. Crackers or pita chips w/ hummus Homemade microwave popcorn (the pre-made stuff is awful once you've made your own) Half a peanut butter sandwich on whole grain bread w/ a small glass of ...

It might seem obvious that I love my daughters. That's what moms are supposed to do. But it doesn't mean that I've always "loved" them. There was a time, about a year ago, where I was really just phoning in my mothering duties. I did what I needed to do to make each day work. We had good times and did fun things, but my heart just wasn't into it. It's kind of difficult to explain. The honeymoon period of being a mother was over. Mary was 1 and Charlotte was 3. The daily tasks of raising them exhausted me. I don't think this was post-partum depression but I'm sure it was related to my general depression over the years. Maybe it was their daily behavior and the natural stretching of mental muscle as they explored the boundaries in our house. Or possibly the weariness that comes from spending the previous 12 months in speech and physical therapy with Mary. There was absolutely nothing unlikable about my girls at all. They were, and sti...

I. Am. A. Mom. What does being a mom mean? On the surface, being a mom means... I discuss poop way more than I ever thought I would.. I don't usually have time to read the news. Sometimes I stay in my pajamas until just before my husband comes home. My knees have callouses from playing on the floor so much. I know the Veggie Tales theme song by heart. Lunch often consists of leftovers off my children's plates. I don't shower as often as I'd like. I can give you the pros and cons about all the area parks, but I can't tell you the difference between Rick Perry, Mitt Romney, or Herman Cain. Looking deeper, being a mom means... I get to mold a life, or two. Someone is always watching me, and learning from what they see. Loneliness is not a stranger. It can be hard to take conversations past the surface level when little ones are running around. My heart walks around outside my body every day. My own health often gets put lower on the priority list...

Sharing free ice cream at Chick-fil-a yesterday Just a moment ago, Charlotte asked me for a snack. She settled on a slice of "flat cheese." As I opened the fridge, I told her she'd need to take a slice to Mary too. Then, when I opened up the drawer, I saw there was only a single slice of flat cheese left. I gave Charlotte two options - eat it in the kitchen, or share it with her sister in the living room. She quickly and cheerfully said she would split it and then did her best to fold it in half evenly. I guess that means that some of what I am trying to teach her is sticking in her heart! In honor of my daughters sharing so well, I decided to create a little poster for them to help them remember a Bible verse about sharing. I'm not in the habit or practice of making "printables," but I think this turned out kind of cute and thought you might want to share this verse with your littles as well. Or maybe you just need it as a reminder for yourself...

All day I've been cranky. It might have something to do with the lack of sleep this past week, but more likely it has to do with unmet expectations. I'm talking about my own expectations of myself. I expect a lot of my mothering. And some days I live up to them, but typically, most days I fall far short of my mothering goals. I find myself crying at 3 pm because I have no idea how I am supposed to mold these little girls into Godly women with the example I am setting for them. My patience wears thin with the high expectations I have of them and of myself. Nobody could meet these expectations. I know this, but that doesn't make it easy to let them go. But, I'm working on them. I talked with an older, wiser woman last week who helped remind me that I lack perspective right now. She helped me to remember to look at my 3 year old and my 1 year old as exactly what they are - 3 & 1. They aren't sissies, but they are fragile in some ways. They are watching me...

Last August, I posted about a new strategy we implemented for encouraging our daughter to eat her meals in a timely manner . The positive feedback I received from friends both in the comments and on Facebook were encouraging. What I appreciated even more was the comment that my friend Babs left for me. I started to address her concerns in another comment, but it was getting lengthy and I thought that others might benefit from seeing more of the discussion. Babs wrote, "It's definitely a sound approach since she knows she has the option for it later. But these days I often wonder where dinner time went when it is over in just 15 or 20 minutes. How long was she taking and what was she doing while she was dawdling. So many people these days don't even realize they've eaten because the goal was to get it done, not to enjoy it while it was happening...gee, kind of a lot like life in general :) I'm not dissing the idea, thinking of motivators (charlotte's) an...

The other day Charlotte wanted to do a craft "all by myself." She even knew what she wanted to make - a welcome sign for our door. So, I printed out the word 'welcome' and then handed her a few supplies. This is the result: She conceived this almost entirely by herself and the execution is wholly hers. The wooden craft sticks are a fence and there is a lot of grass and flowers to make it pretty. And of course, there had to be dirt (the black marks) for the grass and flowers to grow in. She even drew the circle around the word 'Welcome' so she would know where to cut it. One aspect of this I am really proud of is the purple flower. Charlotte was practicing on another sheet and had a hard time getting it to look like the sample one I made. So she asked for help instead of saying, "I can't!" (You see, we don't allow her to say, "I can't." If she is struggling with something, we are trying to teach her to either be more creat...

I need a storage system for small toys that doesn't consist of easy to open boxes or ziploc bags. We have lots of toy sets that consist of small items and my previous option, ziploc bags isn't working any more. She has mastered how to open them and once I found her trying to put the bag over her head. Not good. Mary can open the boxes and bags so quickly that our living room goes from clean to atrocious in about 15 minutes. It's the fun of opening things that she loves. I don't mind indulging her on one or two sets of toys, but it gets a bit out of hand when she tries to open everything. I need to store things like small fairy dolls, My Little Ponies, a felt tea set, etc... So, more experienced or clever moms, how do you store your little toys in a way that they are still accessible to a 3-year old, but not so easily accessible to an 18-month old?

This morning on their FB page, Momology , by MOPS International , asked: Getting everyone out the door is one thing. Getting everyone in the car is another. How do you manage the kids during drive time and still keep your eyes on the road? And I started to answer before realizing I have lots of different strategies for handling our car time. Here they are, in no particular order. Our day is set up that the time in the car is also usually snack time. Sure, I end up picking up cheerios and goldfish off the van floor more than I'd like, but it keeps them occupied and quiet. I can't say this is perfect as more than once has a sippy cup full of milk been left in the van too long. Those are gross to clean up! Othertimes, I'll arrange our longer trips to coincide with nap time and multitask that way. It makes for a nice quiet ride where I can easily listen to NPR uninterrupted (the main way I get my news) or make a call to friend. There is always the portable DVD player too. B...